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How I hooked up on Tinder with Ben

After a difficult break-up with a partner I was tremendously in love with, I went for the most logical and mature solution of all…I set up a Tinder account. I have done this before, and I know after a breakup you are not exactly ready to get yourself emotionally involved with someone, but despite that obvious universal truth, many people try to start dating as soon as possible anyway.

I set up a Tinder account not with the idea of getting random hookups, but with the idea of meeting new people, and explore possibilities. I was open to try casual sex, something that I had not done before, but I had been flirting with the idea for a while… Lo and behold… Tinder is like the twilight zone, like a different dimension… I actually considered buying a Pokedex just to know a bit more what kind of creatures I was dealing with.

Finding the right guy on Tinder

I had so many questions…. For example, why white people are always on top of mountains? What are they looking up there? More land to steal? Posing with a dead fish is extremely popular; everyone knows how to dive, and apparently… taking pictures while at the gym helps you build muscle.

Yet, there I was, collecting matches and trying my best to fit in that world. After many failed first dates, a Reiki master who aligned my chakras, a guy who was trying to convince me latex was toxic, and many, many unsolicited dick pictures… I was ready to quit. Tinder was not for me and I should adopt a new cat instead.

Ben.

Just when I was getting ready to delete the app and download a game instead, I saw I had a new match… It was Ben. To put it in perspective, I am a 31-year-old divorced single mom, with extra pounds and endless sarcasm. I considered myself “ok” looking. Ben, on the other hand, had  one of those kind of profiles you liked, not expecting the person to ever like you back.  You just do it for the “Oh what the hell, I have nothing to lose”.

So there he was, shining through my scattered matches. This exceedingly attractive, interesting German man, who was traveling around the world and looks extraordinarily hot in his shoreline square leg Speedo. I considered it might be a fake profile, but decided to message him anyway. To my surprise, he did not take that long to answer. And so, it began, he was not yet in my city when we started texting, he was coming in a week or so, and we began texting like teens, back and forth, every day, all day. The expectation grew; but I had convinced myself not to let it grow too much. I had not had any luck so far, and I did not want to be disappointed once again.

When he arrived we went straight to Bed

The day finally arrived, the day I was finally meeting this guy I fancied so badly, and yes ladies, it all went smoothly. He spent four days at my place, four days of eating, sleeping, and plenty of wild, mind-blowing sex. I will not get into much detail about that first encounter because that is for another story. This story is for the ones like me who thought it would take a long time to get over an ex, or that the way to recovery seemed like a long trail where you don’t see an end.

A week had gone by since I last saw Ben, though we kept texting each other back and forth, I was not entirely sure if we would meet again. Ben was the kind of person that you easily fell for, but it was extremely unlikely he would have fallen for you. He was an experienced lover and knew how to make a woman happy, but his heart was completely out of reach.  You knew it, he knew it, but still you couldn’t help but melt looking at those beautiful golden eyes.

A fool repeats his folly

A week had gone by since the last time I saw Ben. That particular Friday I was euphoric, since my ex had called me and told me he wanted to talk to me. Could that possibly be it? Could it have possibly meant he wanted me back? I spent hours trying to straighten my hair, (Consider that I live in a tropical country where temperatures are hot and humid all year round… doing your hair is an Olympic task). I was so excited, so nervous; I could not wait for 5:00 pm.

I was sitting, my heart bursting with expectations, in front of me the man I loved with everything I had. We ordered food, we had some small talk and then he said the words… the words that could had defeated the Roman Empire… the words responsible for more than half the Xanax taken worldwide… the words you never want to hear, three words that crush you so deeply, you can actually hear the sound of your heart breaking… “I’m seeing someone else”.

If you have ever been through this, unfortunately you know what I am talking about. The dismay, the shock, the sorrow. Worst of all… I knew the other woman, and yes, she is much younger and much more attractive than I am.

I do not even know how I got home that evening. Everything after those three cursed words seemed an immense blur. I remember getting home, laying down and not even being able to cry.   I closed my eyes, and my brain, ever so crafty, sent me into a deep state of unconsciousness. I woke up about 3 hours later, as soon as I opened my eyes… The tears started to flow, uncontrollably. I felt like the entire Pacific Ocean was drained through my eyes. After what it seemed hours I went for a shower, water has always had an incredibly healing power over me. I felt less dead inside.

Unsuspecting but true

After the shower, I checked my phone and it was a message from Ben confirming we were going to meet the next day. I was tempted to cancel on him. I felt like I was not going to be fun to be around and there is no greater mood killer than a “sappy cannot get over her ex person”. Nevertheless, it was Ben, you cannot simply say no to Ben. The next morning I had barely slept, was feeling tired, was feeling drowsy… I was not feeling well. To top all that I was running late, making a German wait was the last thing I needed that morning.

I finally got there; Ben was waiting for me inside the car he had rented for the day… I got in and as soon as I saw him… I felt as if all the pain from last night was floating away like colorful balloons soaring up to the blue sky.  Those eyes, those, golden dreamy eyes. He was so unbelievably attractive. He had been traveling around the world for years now, so he looks a lot more like a California model than your average German. His golden tan, slim but strong figure, full round lips, pearly white teeth…

However, taking away his Greek statue physique, what I found most attractive about Ben was his personality. Ben was no prince charming; Ben was dominant and stubborn. He knew what he wanted and would not settle for less. He was overly confident to the point it was borderline narcissist. He was s funny with a slightly dark sense of humor, brutally honest. Every so often, he had a sweet side to him, but you would rarely see it.

There is something about Ben

Off we went to our first site, he asked me how I was, and I did not feel it was necessary to spill out all the details of last night. I told him just enough. Oh, my surprise, he listened. He seemed to care, or at least was curious. What struck me in awe was that while I was talking to him, the words slid smoothly and not cutting through me. It did not hurt as much as I thought. Being around him made everything easier… he had the power to numb the sorrow just by being there.

If I write the details of what happened that day, you will be stuck reading four to five more pages. The best way to shorten it out is by telling you that we had an entire relationship in one day. We hiked through nature, swam inside an extinct volcano, got lost, got into two fights, made up, had sex inside the lagoon, outside the lagoon, while hiking…and it all ended in us being so exhausted that we feel asleep before 10, with full bellies and in each other’s arms.

So what can I say about Ben at the End?

Ben is not a rebound; Ben is not the man I will marry. Ben will most likely fade out of my life the same way he came. Unexpectedly. Ben is a reminder not to hold on to grief. He is a reminder that the cliché “everything is going to be fine” is true after all, even when you hate hearing it. Ben is what happens when you step out of your comfort zone.

Ben is not love, but he is what you need to keep believing in it.